Translation pre-check

Next week will be my first translation check. I have finished drafting the 200 or so verses of the Joseph story from Genesis. I’ve checked that it is communicating clearly in Kovol and have gone through it with a fine-tooth comb, looking for parts added or omitted. Now it’s time for an expert to take a look.

NTM PNG has several translation consultants. These are missionaries who are a significant way through their own language’s translation project and have received extra training to quality control other translation projects. A consultant will be coming to Kovol for 2 days to check that the translation draft is accurate to the original, is natural in the Kovol language and is easily understood by Kovol language speakers.

But, how can a translation consultant help us with our translation when they don’t speak a word of the Kovol language? That’s where back translation comes into play. Upon finishing my draft, I had Philip take a look at it and literally (perhaps too literally, we’re both still learning!) translate the Kovol back into English.

So we went from:

Then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood by him. He cried, “Make everyone go out from me.” So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. 
Genesis 45:1 ESV

to:

Juda endet amot. Oguwa, Josep mogoogol heleb muminim eb onn mehamonn nolo mohis wogoonong amot “Teenn egeme yooguwas” et. Yooguwasi, Josep onn ogombot mag soogu nog his agamemind. Igitasi, amot “enn Josep” et.
Hobol heem 45:1 Kovol

to:

Juda spoke like that. He spoke, and Josep became compassion and wanting to cry he spoke with his people who did work “All of you go outside” he said. They went, and Josep only his older brothers and younger brother were (there). Were, he said “I am Josep” he said.
Genesis 45:1 Kovol back translation

Looking at the back translation, the consultant can get a window into the translation decisions made. This week, I’ve been emailing back and forth with the consultant working through the pre-check. The pre-check is all about improving the accuracy of the draft. The consultant compares the source language (SL) to the back translation (BT). This is a step that our team has done once already. We read through both the Kovol and the back translation and carefully checked to see if we accidentally removed or added anything.

It turns out we weren’t thorough enough! Our consultant found many, many things for us to correct 🙂 (50+ pages of comments!) Changes are requested or suggested based on the back translation. I then make the changes, recheck the changes with Kovol helpers and send it back to the consultant.

I’ll give you three random examples.

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1.

39:16 BT—“… she held and for her husband she waited.” SL—“… until his master came home.” The BT omits that she waited for her husband to come home. I don’t see support for this omission and would recommend revising the text to say something like, “…she held and for her husband to come to the house she waited.”

Changed to:

Leaving (finished with the talk) his clothing she held and for her husband to come home she waited. She waited, and Potifar came,

2.

41:22 BT—”I saw. Grass food produce/fruit, 7-pela on one stalk I saw” he said.” SL—“… seven ears, full and good, came up on a single stalk…” Two things:

First, The BT omits the good quality of the heads of grain.

Secondly, the BT omits the growing of the 7 heads of grain. The only support I see for the omission is Translator’s Notes. Unless you have further support, I would recommend adding it into the text as you have in v23.

Bearing these things in mind, I would recommend revising the text to say something like, “I saw 7-pela good grass food produce/fruit get up on one stalk. They were big/with much water/grease.”

Changed to:

 “Later I saw a dream again” he said. “I saw (focus word). I saw 7-pela good grass food fruit/produce get up on one bone” he said. “It was good fruit/produce. It was fatty” he said.

3.

41:46 BT—”Josep was 30-pela years old and did work. SL—“…entered the service of Pharaoh king of Egypt. “ The SL is speaking specifically to when Joseph started serving Pharaoh, not that he was 30 when he started doing work in general. I would suggest focusing the scope of the work he did to work for Pharaoh.

Changed to:

Josep was 30-pela years old and did work for the King of Isip.

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With a little back and forth, the translation draft incrementally becomes more and more accurate. How does it feel to get the translation you spent hundreds of hours on sent back covered all over in comments? It feels great! As a new translator, I keenly feel my inexperience, my lack of ability in the Kovol language and my lack of a keen eye for detail. Having the safety net of a consultant to help me improve the draft as much as possible is very reassuring. I feel bad for giving our consultant so much work, though!

Through the process, I’ve already learned that I tend to drop details in favour of streamlining the Kovol version. I often sacrifice accuracy to make the Kovol more easily understood. A great example is Genesis 41:12:

A young Hebrew was there with us, a servant of the captain of the guard.
Genesis 41:12 ESV

Our phrase for the captain of the guard is awful. It’s “the man who looks after the fighting men who look after the king”. I reasoned that since the reader already knows that Joseph worked in the prison, it was better to drop “Captain of the guard” and just have a nice simple “there was a young Hebrew”. It brings the main point across without introducing a confusing run-on sentence. With “Captain of the guard” people were getting lost. They were spending enormous brain power unpacking “a servant of the man who looks after the fighting men who look after the king” and so missed what happens next.

Working through the pre-check, though I’m seeing that omitting it isn’t a good option. That doesn’t mean I need a long run-on sentence, though. I probably need to use several sentences followed by a recapitulation of the main idea to get back on track. Hopefully, I get a better feel for how to include more and more detail into the Kovol language.

What’s next?

The translation check proper starts on Tuesday. Our consultant will arrive by helicopter, and I’ll sit with him and 3 helpers to go through the whole Joseph story. I’m guessing that I will read a paragraph of the draft to my helpers. We’ll be using helpers who haven’t heard the story yet. Upon hearing the story, I think the consultant will then ask comprehension questions in Tok Pisin to see how well our helpers caught the big idea and all the details.
That will check how easily understood the draft is.

I’m sure there will also be further comments and discussion on some of the details I am missing. Once we are done and the consultant has left, he’ll email me a write-up. The write-up will list all the recommended changes and improvements. Upon making those and getting a thumbs up from the consultant, the Joseph story will be marked as consultant checked, and it’s time to translate something else 🙂

It’s been a very office-heavy week. I’m glad for my new office chair 😀 What luxury! I’m getting excited for the milestone of having the first part of scripture officially translated into Kovol!